From May 2006, for your reading pleasure.
Here’s a timeline of kind of how my Friday and Saturday went. It’s safe to say I wasn’t happy because my weekend was supposed to be leisurely.

Friday, 14:30 : Jennifer calls me on my cell phone while I am driving to her house. She says the tub has started leaking, and she cant get the water to turn off. I said, "How long has it been running?" She responds, "Oh, a few hours now, but I didn’t want to bother you at work". I say I will be there in a few minutes, and increase my average rate of speed by 20 mph.

Friday, 15:00 : I arrive to find that the valve that controls the water flow coming out of the tub has ruptured. Water is coming out of the faucet at an alarming rate by now. I take a wrench and turn it as tight as I can, and turn the shower diverter on (which thankfully is hooked up to a manual sprayer for Jennifer’s dog groming clients), so this stops it while I make a trip to Lowes.

Note: Bear in mind I am pretty good at plumbing, but not very good with parts and specialized fittings, but I can hold my own in installing anything necessary and sweating pipes. Also bear in mind that large guys don’t fit very well under the sink.

Friday, 16:00: Trip Number One to Lowes. One of the nice gentlemen in the plumbing department was able to surmise that I had a Mixet style valve in the shower because it is the only Single Knob unit that has its temperature control separate from its flow control. It’s a 13 dollar part. I am optimistic at this point. This will change very shortly. Jennifer also coerces me to buy a new hose for her mothers sink that has lost its protective shroud and has sprung a slight leak. Its one of those stupid Moen faucets that everyone loves but plumbers hate. I agree to doing this as well.

Friday, 16:30: I arrive back at the mother in laws house only to realize that I have no clue where the Houses main valve is. I accidentally cut off the streets fire hydrant valves, because they look so similar to control valves, and are actually labeled "Control Valves". After realizing the water is still running, I call the water company to figure out what the heck I am supposed to do, and am informed that I was in the totally incorrect box. I find the right box and they walk me through turning off the main valve. It’s a very hard valve that is usually turned with a "T" wrench, but since I dont posses one, I makeshifted it with a crescent wrench and a screwdriver for leverage.

Friday, 17:15: With the water turned off, I replace the Mixet valve in 5 minutes, and turn the water back on. The repair works fantastic.

Friday, 17:30: After patting myself on the back, I take the Moen sprayer apart, starting by snipping the rubber hose that used to be shrouded in flexible metal hose. This, my friends, was my undoing. The universal kit that I bought was aparently universal, except in the fact that it did not fit mine. The hole that one of the ends was supposed to fit through was slightly smaller than need be, and the universal kit did not work. Since she now had a faucet that would no longer work in its condition, off to Lowes I went.

Friday, 18:00: Trip Number Two to Lowes. The moral of this particular time frame is:

It was getting semi late, and I was hungry, and generally pissed off that I was starting my weekend this way. So, naturally, I am in a hurry when leaving, and forgot to check under the sink to see if I needed anything else. We get a faucet and leave.

Friday, 18:45: We arrive back at the mother in laws house. I had no trouble pulling the Moen faucet out. These are the kind where certain parts have to be broken off. I totally forget that one of these parts is the flexible copper supply lines. I turn off the shutoff valves before doing this. I wasn’t that out of it yet. Before going back to Lowes, I decide to install the faucet and sprayer, because once in, I could just connect the new supply lines to the shutoff valves. I do this, and depart for Lowes again. A little more agitated, but keeping my cool.

Friday, 20:00: Trip Number Three to Lowes. The moral of this particular time frame is:

I buy one 30" supply line, and one 60" supply line (the shutoff valves are pretty far from the sink itself), both of these being the standard 3/8" OD compression to 1/2" fittings that screw to the bottom of the new faucet.

Friday, 20:45: I return and remove the flexible copper supply lines only to find that they are the old style brass 3/8" flare valves. These, do not work with the newer compression fittings. This was all I could do for the night because after I realized this, I did not have time to go back up to Lowes before they closed.

Friday, 21:45: After eating a quick bite of dinner from Wendys (Also not good when in a confined sink area, and you happen to start having gaseous emmisions from it) I decide that it is better to bring my mother in laws plumbing up to date by installing new angle valves with the correct 3/8" compression fittings on it. I made a list, since I was away from home, and it is a long drive to home, I would have to buy a few tools:

In the morning, I went back to Lowes.

Saturday, 10:00:Trip Number Four to Lowes. I buy the above list and head back to the Mother In Laws.

Saturday, 10:45: I tell Jennifer I need to turn the Main Valve water off to the house, and she informs me I cannot until 3:00 PM (1500), because she is doing a trial run for her makeup and needs to take a shower and wash her hair first. I wait. I decide to finish watching Powerblock on Spike TV, completely wasting time.

Note: Bear in mind I have not had a shower since Friday AM, and it is in the 90’s outside. I couldn’t see myself showering when I would just get dirty and need another shower.

Saturday, 15:00: I turn the main off and start cutting the old shutoff valves under the sink. After they both come off, I realize the hot one does not look identical to the other one. Theres a T-fitting there and a second valve soldered on to accomodate the dishwasher. I did not see this before because it was behind some other crap under the sink. I go to Lowes again.

Saturday, 16:00:Trip Number Five to Lowes. I get a T-Fitting, 2 Feet of 1/2" O.D. copper pipe, another angle valve, and some plumbers bread, as I noticed the hot water line was dripping out of the pipe, due to the hot water heater containing water still. Of course, it would have been too easy to cut the main valve on the water heater off, but, it didn’t have one. I SIMPLY CANNOT WAIT FOR THAT TO BREAK.

Saturday, 16:45: I get back home, shove two sections of plumbers bread into the cold line, and solder it on without incident. After this, the BIGGEST P.I.T.A. occured.

Saturday, 17:00: I pre-fit the T-Fitting, and two valves together connected to each other by 2 small sections of 1/2" O.D. copper pipe. This goes off without a hitch. I then try to turn one of the valves to the open position, and it snaps. I read the knob, and they are "Bassett 1/4 turn only" valves. I thought maybe they got a little too hot when I was soldering pipe, and had fozen shut. Well, pretty out of it by now, I see that they are fully open, and my turning it the wrong way has caused the valve mechanism to break. I cut the valve off and run to Lowes for another.

Saturday, 18:00:Trip Number Six to Lowes. I get a new angle valve and leave. Before checking out, the clerk takes the valve and notices it is 1/4 turn only. Funny, I think he knew what happened and was taunting me.

Saturday, 18:45: I return home and solder the second valve to the T-Fitting. I clean the outside of the hot water pipe, and prepare it with Flux. I then shove two plugs of plumbers bread 6 inches into the pipe. I stick the open end of the T-Fitting onto the hot water pipe. I fire up the torch, and get it hot enough to start the solder flowing into the copper joint. Right as I do this, those Plumbers bread barriers break loose, letting hot water (which is now boiling by now due to the heat from the torch), ruin my solder joint. At this point, it wouldn’t make any sense to try to unsodler it, because the copper wouldnt get hot enough for the solder to melt. I almost lost my cool, but, stayed calm thankfully (Last time I worked on a faucet was installing the one in our house. I make a few knuckles bloody, not by cutting them on anything under the sink, but hitting them on the tile floor from shear anger). I cut it off and would have to start over. To Lowes I went.

Saturday, 20:30:Trip Number Seven (FINAL!) to Lowes. Got two new T-Fittings, just in case. Cost me more to drive up there in gas than the parts did.

Saturday, 21:15: Jennifer and I return to Mother In Laws house. There is still no water in the house. They start to doubt my plumbing ability, and rightfully so, I do too. We are all starving, so I take an hour and grill some chicken, which had been marinating in olive oil, seasoning salt, pepper, garlic, and rosemary all day long. This was, sadly, the greatest part of my day.

Saturday, 22:30: I resolder everything back to the T-Fitting after I cut the other ones loose. I prepare it by cleaning it again, and fluxing the inside.

Saturday, 23:00: After insuring the new part was cooled, I again cleaned and refluxed the outside of the hot water pipe. This time, instead of using plumbers bread, which is worthless if you ask me, I took a whole piece of plain white bread (no grain, just plain), and tore the edges off. I balled it up, and shoved it into the pipe. I pushed it in the pipe about 6 inches. Quickly, I was able to FINALLY solder the hot water joint!

Saturday, 23:30: After the hot water line was cool to the touch again, I connected the supply lines, and closed the valves.

Saturday, 22:40: I turned the house main valve back on. There was water again! I checked the shutoff valves I had just installed, to ensure they were not leaking. Honestly, I was not worried at this point because I am very meticulous and good at sweating pipes. I took the supply lines, pointed them down into a mop bucket, turned them on for 2 seconds to allow the bread to flush out of the pipes. Worked like a charm. Old trick I picked up from Dad.

Sunday, 00:00: I reconnected the supply lines to the sink, and told my Mother In Law, Happy Mothers Day. The sink worked great! I was half asleep by then. I took a well deserved shower and went to sleep.

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